


living in a palace within my dreams

by moonmotels



Category: American Horror Story, American Horror Story: Apocalypse, American Horror Story: Coven
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Romance, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-05
Updated: 2019-04-05
Packaged: 2020-01-05 01:54:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18356210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonmotels/pseuds/moonmotels
Summary: "Why do you keep letting me do this? "Let you do what?" "Hurt you."





	living in a palace within my dreams

_i've been tearing up town in my fucking white gown_

_like a goddamn near sociopath_

 

Cordelia had never experienced a heartbreak like this.

Not from the boy she kissed at age six who had pushed her away and shouted to everyone that she was disgusting. Not from Rebecca, her first girlfriend at the age of seventeen who was _coincidentally_ transferred to a sister school across the country under Fiona’s orders. And certainly not Hank, the last person on earth she’d thought would ruin her one chance at being happy for once in her life.

No, this was a string of continuous, soul sucking heartbreaks, a fire that flickered scarily high and dared anyone to just _try_ and put it out.

And it was because of Misty Day. Every path, straight line, and winding road would always lead right back to her.

When Misty had come back from Hell, she was different. Which Cordelia, in all her ritualistic ways, had expected and planned for. Her room at the academy had been kept in pristine condition, her shack kept and cleaned on a regular basis; either ready for wherever Misty decided to end up staying. Although if it were up to Cordelia, Misty would live at her side, never leaving it for the rest of time.  

Everything was up to Misty, whatever she wanted was automatically what would happen. The girls; particularly the newer ones, were instructed to keep their distance, show their quiet but unwavering support in small gestures and offerings. The plan had been put in place the day after Misty had left a gaping hole in Cordelia's heart, despite not knowing when or even _how_ she would be back. Either way, Cordelia had never lost sight of hope that one day, her heart’s desire might spontaneously reappear.

So when Misty simply walked back through the academy doors in a haze of smoke and bright light, Cordelia’s plan was executed at the drop of a hat.

What she hadn’t accommodated for was the fact that she had fallen completely, thoroughly, and entirely in love with Misty Day.

For every hour Misty was gone, another nerve ending in Cordelia’s body succumbed to the pressure of falling in love but having nothing tangible to tie itself to. Every inch of her being, from the polish on her toes to the hair color in her roots she used every six months like clockwork ached with pure, unadulterated love. Cordelia would never turn to drugs, alcohol, or any other useless stimulants when this was enough to keep her in a constant loop of pain like the cycles of a washing machine.

What she also didn’t accommodate for was Misty’s overly excessive need to feel alive. She had figured some intense therapeutic measures would be taken but _nothing_ like what actually occurred. It had started with a gentle kiss, as it always does, and escalated from there, because who was Cordelia to deny an angel’s wish? Initiated by Misty herself, Cordelia was powerless to turn her away from the one thing she asked for so effortlessly. Under pale moonlight, the cloak of secrecy from the darkness, Misty would creep into Cordelia’s room, and from there Cordelia would do anything in her power to keep her fed, metaphorically and physically.

She would do it all; fuck, caress, and kiss Misty, helplessly trying to make her feel something. _Anything_. And Misty would _take take take,_ then merely leave a cold space in Cordelia’s bed. The emptiness of Cordelia’s heart mirrored her bed and only expanded when Misty would give a simple _thanks_ and leave her alone to quite frankly, lose her mind. Like a dog begging for scraps, Cordelia would take whatever Misty tossed at her and be thankful she got anything at all.

Cordelia knew she was being used in the back of her mind, but had forgone all sense of rationality in hopes there was something in their late night meetings that would bring Misty back to what she was before. What she had been _._ And the thing is - Cordelia felt like she deserved this pain in some twisted sense of punishment for her own weakness. She didn’t care to consider the toll it was taking on her well being, both physically and emotionally. She wasn’t sleeping, wasn’t eating, wasn’t performing the simplest of tasks that required her attention. Everything in her was consumed by Misty, every second of her day devoted to fixing things so they could have some semblance of normality. Even certain plants in the greenhouse were left uncared for, the only person who knew how to take care of them having given up after one half-assed attempt. If anything, Cordelia wanted Misty to find her personal peace in this hobby they shared together like an vine intertwined with love.

Because of this, she would do anything for Misty. Including breaking her own heart into minuscule pieces, scattering them around like needles in haystacks and trying to find them in time for Misty to come crawling back into her bed the next night. Like a masochist, Cordelia would let Misty use her up until every last drop of humanity was squeezed out of her soul.

Her friends were concerned. Naturally. Cordelia had caught their whispers, their shared looks of concern at Cordelia’s fruitless attempts to provide Misty with something that just wasn’t enough. She just simply did not care, there was work to be done. Madison, of all people, marched into her office without so much as a knock after lunch one afternoon.

“Hello, Madison,” Cordelia sighed. “How are you?”

“Great, Cords, I would ask you the same but I think everyone knows how you are,” came the always snarky reply.

Cordelia pinched the bridge of her nose and tried her hardest not to scream. “I could not begin to wonder what you possibly mean by that.” She wasn’t ready to have this conversation, especially not with the one person who would likely be correct in every assumption that came in the form of thinly veiled insults.

An irritated sigh made Cordelia lift her own head in annoyance. “ _What_?”

“Can we talk? Like woman to woman? I don’t particularly care about your pining but I was elected council, and obviously I’m fucking tired of watching you walk around like a lost puppy.”

Cordelia’s heart was beating so rapidly in her chest that she almost wondered if the Supremacy had failed her, and she was, in fact, having heart palpitations. “I don’t want to talk about this with you. Or anyone, for that matter.”

“It’s either me or Coco, whose idea of support was coming and smacking some sense into you. Literally. So pick your poison.”

“Sit down.”

The chair creaked as Madison took her seat directly opposite Cordelia, slinging her legs over one armrest and lighting a cigarette that came out of nowhere. “She’s using you, you know that, right?”

Cordelia straightened herself up and shot back defensively, “This is a wildly inappropriate conversation, even for you.”

“I’m just trying to help you out here, you think you could like, let me? Jesus. Get the stick out of your ass and let me help.”

Anger and sadness mixed together to pulse through every vein, causing Cordelia to grip the edge of her desk so hard it nearly splintered underneath her fingertips. “This isn’t exactly help, but continue. Tread lightly,” she warned.

“ _Listen_ ,” Madison inhaled the sickly sweet smoke, “I know the signs of distress when I see them. I was stuck in Hell a lot longer than Misty before that twerp Mallory finally decided to come get me. So I know what it’s like. That emptiness you feel when you return - searching for something you don’t think will ever come to you,” Madison paused, looking bashful that she spilled all of that to her supreme.

Pandering her with a look that begged her to continue, Cordelia cocked her head to the side.

“And anyway, it’s clear Misty’s using you as a coping mechanism which is all fine and dandy, but your self worth is suffering underneath it all. I know you don’t like it, but I do notice these things about you. And if you cared for yourself just a little, you’d see she’s not going to get better any time soon by stringing you along.”

Cordelia finally seemed to find her voice, trying and failing at sounding authoritative, “And what if I don’t have a problem with her stringing me along?”

“Then that makes you a shit supreme, just like your mother.”

Cordelia recoiled as though she’d been slapped. “Excuse me? How _dare_ you even remotely compare me to her? Do you have any idea what I’ve done for you girls? What I’ve sacrificed?” Her breath was coming out staggered now, anger radiating in waves off of her so strongly that Madison even scooted back a little.

“I know that the new girl has cried herself to sleep every night because she misses her mom,” Madison leaned forward and sneered, “and I know Coco’s powers have been suffering because the bitch has no clue what to do with them and you’re too busy shacking up with swampy to even give a shit about either of them. And you know what else I know? That you’re in love with Misty and she couldn’t care less, especially now that I heard she's planning on fucking off back to Hicksville where she can live in harmony with her stupid fucking animals.”

Madison sat back and stared at Cordelia, daring her to counteract anything she’d just said. Her purpose had shifted quickly from helpful to hurtful, in the thirty seconds it took her to dismantle Cordelia’s carefully crafted exterior. Looking proud of herself, she lit another cigarette and gave her a smug grin.

“Get out,” came the quiet demand. When Madison didn’t make any effort to move, she repeated with stronger intent, “Get out.”

“Gladly,” Madison shifted out of the chair and leaned over so that her and Cordelia’s faces were inches apart. Blowing her smoke into the space between them, she exhaled, “Just remember what I told you Cordy. Don’t come crying to anyone when Misty breaks your heart for the hundredth time tonight.”

And like that, she was gone, heels clicking out of the room and down the hall towards her own room. The door slammed so hard it reverberated into Cordelia’s office, where she sat with her face between her palms.

With trembling legs, she stood up and calmly smoothed her shirt down, going back into supreme mode like she was pulling on a suit of armor. A quick sweep of the house to make sure everyone was otherwise occupied, she grabbed her keys from the bowl near the front door and stalked out.

After the apocalypse happened and Mallory had explained everything to Cordelia in great detail, she knew the one thing she needed after her great sacrifice was the only person who would fiercely protect her until the end of time. Myrtle Snow. Once things settled, the world going on as if nothing had occurred, Cordelia had decided she deserved a small gift for her actions that quite literally saved the planet. So she selfishly brought Myrtle back. For the second time.

When Myrtle was filled in and arrangements were made, she took the opportunity to bow out of living with a gaggle of prepubescent girls and rather purchased a charming Victorian a few blocks down, just close enough for Cordelia to visit. Which is exactly where she was headed when her cell phone rang and she answered without checking to see who it was. Through the static-y bluetooth, Misty’s voice came out light and airy.

“Hi, Delia.”

Cordelia gripped the steering wheel so hard her knuckles turned ashen. Debating whether or not to veer off the road, she answered, “Hi Misty.”

“Where are you? I was hoping I could see you after lunch but I couldn’t find you.”

Lying through her teeth, Cordelia replied, “I’m on my way to pick up some fruit from the farmers market for Coco and Madison.”

“Oh, I woulda came with ya, you know I love a good market,” Misty voice sounded so tiny and sad that Cordelia mentally berated herself for not being able to come up with a better lie.

“I’m sorry, I really am. Can I make up for it later?”

“Yeah, you can actually. I was thinkin’ I would like that talented mouth of yours on me tonight,” her tone dropped off at the end, even though Cordelia knew Misty was likely perched on her office desk with the door shut and locked.

“That sounds really, really nice. I have to go though, parking’s a bitch.”

“Okay, see ya, honeybee.”

Before Cordelia could even comprehend the pet name, Misty had hung up. Sighing and parking her car immaculately straight in the spot, she got out and raised a hand to knock on Myrtle’s door. As if expecting her, the theremin Cordelia could hear from inside cut off abruptly and the door swung open, revealing an empty foyer. “I’m in here, my dove,” Myrtle’s voice came from the living room. Stepping over an expensive rug woven and shipped straight from India, Cordelia tentatively made her way into the expansive room.

“My love, how I’ve missed you. Have you finally decided to come discuss our dearest Misty?”

Cordelia sputtered and stumbled over her words. “I- no, I’m here for- _what_?” Deciding it’s best not to question how Myrtle knew her so _goddamn_ well, she wrung her hands out and resigned, “Yes. I am.”

“I was wondering when the time would come. Sit, please. Do you want some oolong tea?”

Cordelia nodded, knowing Myrtle would likely force it upon her anyway. While she was gone in the kitchen, Cordelia straightened herself out and tried desperately to get her thoughts together so she wouldn’t present them in a jumbled blob to Myrtle. When she returned with two steaming tea cups, Cordelia took one and mumbled a thanks.

Sipping the drink, she winced at its eclectic taste, hoping Myrtle didn’t notice. Which she did, she always did. “Straight from the regions South of Yangtze River, this tea is. Drink up, darling.” Obedient like a dog following command, Cordelia drank it. When Myrtle finally settled her gaze that demanded an explanation, Cordelia began giving it.

“I have been throwing myself around trying to fix her, trying to give her something to grasp onto but nothing is working. She pushes me away like I mean nothing to her. Everything I have has been stuffed into one giant box I gave to her and it’s splitting at the seams because nothing is enough. My girls have been suffering, I’ve been suffering. I am a complete and total failure at this, just like my mother.”

Big fat tears ran down Cordelia’s porcelain complexion, blurring her eyesight and dripping off her bottom lip onto her lap. Myrtle was quiet, unrelenting with her eye contact, pointedly telling her to continue. Knowing she needed to voice this out loud so it was _real_ , Cordelia finished, “And I love her. I would put a thousand more knives through my heart, watch everything I’ve built turn to ash, and put myself through hell and back again just to see her smile. But it’s not enough. It will never be enough.”

Poised and careful with her tone, Myrtle put her tea cup down on the fine china platter in between them. “Cordelia, if I know one thing, it’s that heart of yours has enough capacity to fill entire stadiums with love. And I’ve seen the consequences of this firsthand. Do you think your mother could have created an environment much like yourself? No one in their right mind would ever think to flourish under her rule, may Satan rest her soul.” Picking her cup back up, she continued, “But I don’t think anyone is keen on watching you suffer so immensely, and I do believe you have a duty to withhold. Stretching yourself thin for one person doesn’t help any others, dear.”

Cordelia felt scrutinized, like every emotion she hid behind a thinly veiled curtain had been ripped out and put on display. “I have no idea what I’m doing. This is why I brought you back. I need you.”

“No, you don’t,” Myrtle chastised. “I was perfectly fine where I was, and you were capable of doing this yourself. To be quite frank, this was selfish of you. You haven’t begun to comprehend that your greatest strength is also your greatest weakness.”

Balking, Cordelia responded, “I don’t even know what that is.”

“It’s harrowing to see you have such an aversion to your own prophecy, Delia,” clicking her tongue, she pressed on, “Love. Love is your greatest strength and also your biggest downfall. Everything you do has that in mind, and if you don’t get a reign on your emotions soon it will lead to your catastrophic demise.”

Sipping her tea and nodding her head along to the music like she hadn’t just shifted Cordelia’s world view, Myrtle was the epitome of calm and collected, the complete opposite of how she felt. Sputtering once more, Cordelia knew she sounded weak and pathetic. “I don’t know what to do, Auntie Myrtle. How do I channel this into something that will restore balance in my leadership?”

“My dear, have you even considered merely discussing this with Misty? I can only assume you haven’t, because I’d like to think I know you well enough. Perhaps you’d be so inclined to start there.”

“How do I even discuss this with her? Where do I begin?” The way Cordelia had built her life was with the utmost careful creation. The walls around her heart were another story; having been built with steel to protect her from this exact situation.

Myrtle stood up abruptly and walked over to take Cordelia’s empty cup. “With a simple ‘could we talk?’ Honestly, must I tell you everything? Now, chicken, I must take my diurnal nap if you’d be so inclined to lock the door on your way out.”

Typical Myrtle. Flippant and ever so charming with her blunt words. Cordelia walked out feeling less stable than she had walking in.

Halfway back to the academy, she remembered she’d lied to Misty and had to make a u-turn to catch the farmers market before it closed for the day. Meandering through the stalls, she let herself get lost amongst the fresh vegetables and bright colored fruits that seemed to jump out at her like words on pages. Picking up a sufficient amount of fruit and wondering if the tiny succulent she picked out for Misty was too much, Cordelia made her way home.

By this time, it was dark and she could hear her group of girls chattering in the kitchen as they cleared the table and washed dishes. Walking in the room, she was glad to see they didn’t immediately pause their conversation, instead inviting her in for a heated debate as to who would win in a fight - Zoe or Queenie? With a thin lipped smile, she gracefully bowed out of it by grabbing a slice of pizza the girls had made all on their own.

Trudging upstairs while enjoying the pizza that was unusually good, she paused to check if she could hear the low sounds of a Fleetwood Mac album coming from Misty’s room. When she couldn’t hear anything, she knew it was time to put Myrtle’s advice into action.

Typically, their tryst would begin with Cordelia walking into her own room to find Misty in bed, either touching herself or lying in wait with no clothes on. The supreme had learned extremely quickly to only open the door an inch and peek her head in before slipping inside. Afterwards, Cordelia would do what she did best.

Give, and ask for nothing in return.

On the rare occasion when she was feeling generous, Misty would return the favor surprisingly well for someone who seemed full of innocence and childlike wonder. Which is where tonight seemed to be heading, if the way she roughly scraped her palm over Cordelia’s clothed breast was any indication. Frantically pulling Cordelia’s blouse out from her pants and shucking the rest of her clothes off quickly, Misty took no time shoving her on her back and crawling up so that two thighs were straddled on either side of her waist.

Neither were much of a talker during these events. Cordelia was afraid that if she began speaking, she wouldn’t stop, spilling out every word, emotion, and intricate secret she’d kept so tightly wound inside her heart. Which was probably for the best, since she was already expecting Misty to slink out when this was over. Misty had busied herself by continuously rolling Cordelia’s nipple with her thumb and forefinger while the latter choked on gasps and moans at the sensation.

She seemed to enjoy having Cordelia in such a compromised position as if she wasn’t in a jeopardized state every time Misty came near.

Finally grasping Misty’s wrist and halting the process, Cordelia gazed up with what she assumed were wild eyes, asking silently for her to stop _fucking_ teasing. Taking note of how Cordelia’s hips undulated under her thighs, Misty chuckled and pressed herself onto Cordelia’s stomach. When Cordelia dug her heels into the bedsheets, she arched and caught the perfect angle for Misty’s clit to brush over a toned ab. Leaning down to press her nose against the sharp angle of her chin, Misty whispered, “Can you feel how wet I am? Having you like this?”

Already too caught up in the whirlwind of emotion and arousal to even begin formulating a proper thought, Cordelia nodded desperately. Reaching down, aching to feel the wetness for herself, her hands were halted when Misty grasped and tugged them above Cordelia’s head towards the headboard. In a sign of obedience, Cordelia left them there while Misty continued her journey.

Stopping to suck a nipple between her teeth, Misty created wave after wave of pleasure from Cordelia as if she had fallen on the beach and couldn’t get up in time to dodge the high tide. Drowning sweetly on dry land, Cordelia had no choice but to lie there and let Misty pull a blanket of arousal over her soul.

The marks Misty was leaving on velvety smooth skin would serve as a reminder that she would always find her way into every nook and cranny of Cordelia’s body, both inside and out like they were destined to be molded together as one.

When her tongue flicked a steady pattern over Cordelia’s nipple, the latter keened roughly and whispered, “Misty, _please_.” With a popping noise, Misty released the nipple and flicked it once more in her usual teasing manner. “Cordelia, I like having you like this. You don’t let me do it enough, so let me do this, yeah?”

Nodding and wondering if she had heard that correctly, it took everything in Cordelia not to scream out that Misty could do anything she wants, even if that included ripping her beating heart out and stomping on it.

 _Which she would do gladly_.

A beaming smile coming from Misty made Cordelia’s chest seize. When she lowered herself down Cordelia’s body, wild hair tickling her stomach, the world outside this room could crash and burn for all she cared. Maybe Myrtle was right, this type of love would be her greatest downfall. And maybe she didn’t care, because what a _wonderful_ way to go out. In love with the prettiest, softest woman she’d ever had the pleasure of knowing.

When Misty licked the inside of her thigh and then immediately bit down, Cordelia had a difficult time remembering her own name. Continuing, she slid her tongue teasingly through the copious amounts of wetness until Cordelia had to physically restrain herself from rubbing her lower half up and down rhythmically on Misty’s lips and chin. Even though Misty looked so hungry for it, so incredibly ready to make Cordelia _beg_ and _moan_ and _ache_ for it.

Something feral switched in Misty and she swiftly sucked Cordelia’s clit between her lips and rubbed it softly; over and over in a pace that drove Cordelia mad. Cordelia just about bent in half at a ninety degree angle, her hands coming up to tangle in Misty’s hair and _tug_. When Misty glanced up, eyes glazed over, Cordelia had a moment of clarity and pulled up and out of her embrace.

“I can’t do this. I need to talk to you.”

Misty sat up, wiping her shiny chin off and smiling mischievously, “I don’t wanna talk, I wanna fuck you.”

Noticing the seriousness in which Cordelia meant it, she swallowed thickly and sat up further. “What? I’m - _sorry_ , what?”

“You’re using me. Using this,” she blurted out, gesturing at the space between them, “As a coping method. And I can’t keep doing this, putting my own mental health at risk just to keep you satisfied.”

Misty recoiled back. “You think I’m using you? That’s low, Cordelia.” Her defensiveness caught Cordelia off guard. “And you’re telling me this now? When I was three seconds away from shoving my fingers in ya?”

Shooting back, “It’s not like you even care for me, Misty. I know you’re planning on moving back to your shack.” Cordelia was thrumming with unprecedented anger, directing it now towards the one person she never thought would be on the receiving end.

Misty scrambled to pull the blanket around her thin frame, making her look smaller than she usually did. Scoffing, her words dripped with venom. “Yeah, who told you that? Madison? I was joking around the other morning, saying I’d rather fuck off to my shack than spend another moment with her. That hurts me, Cordelia, that you think I’d leave without telling you first. It really fucking hurts.” Crossing her arms around herself, she willed the tears gathering in the corner of her eyes to dissipate.

With burnt fingertips, Cordelia reached out for Misty, and like a fool was met again by flames when her hand was swatted away in distaste.

Cordelia began openly sobbing, burying her face in her palms and heaving so hard the bed nearly shook. Misty paused; scared of the scene in front of her, perplexing asking, “What are ya cryin’ for? I should be the one who’s cryin’ all over the damn place.”

Her bottom lip trembling and dripping with tears, Cordelia whispered, “Because nothing I do is ever good enough to fix you. I have given you every last scrap of my soul and I can’t anymore. I’m _tired_.”

“You’re tired? Delia - _I’m_ tired,” her voice broke off at the end, making Cordelia feel like she’d failed at everything in life. “Do you have any idea how scared I am to close my eyes in fear of being back in that rotten place?”

The woman at the head of the bed sniffled, shaking her head forlornly, “I can’t begin to comprehend how you feel, but there has to be a better way for you to deal with your myriad of issues. I shouldn’t be your only source.”

“That’s what I am to you? A charity case? I thought I meant a lot more than that, but whatever. I guess not. Maybe I will fuck off back home.”

At her use of the word home, Cordelia flinched and sobbed out when Misty went to get off the bed and leave. Reaching out like she was reaching for salvation, Cordelia grasped her and wailed, “Please, don’t leave me. I-”

“You what, Cordelia? You clearly don’t want me here anymore.”

Shaking her head no, she admonished, “That’s not true, and you know it.”

“Then what is it? I’d sure love to know, since you can’t do ‘this’ anymore.” Misty’s biting tone made Cordelia flinch again, every emotion inside of her begging to be let out in a rush of jumbled words that likely wouldn’t make sense.

“Please don’t make me say it.”

Misty simply stared at her, their eyes burning into each other like Cordelia had been caught gazing directly at the sun and couldn’t wrench her eyes away. “ _Please._ I don’t think I can.”

“Cordelia.” Misty’s fingers were clenching and unclenching into fists, knuckles white and veins prominent.  
  
“I think you know that I’m in love with you.”

Silence.

No other event in Cordelia’s life had mattered as much as this moment did. Not her failed marriage, not her getting crowned the supremacy, not losing Misty the first time, not defeating the anti-christ. In one swift move, she changed the course of her life and it felt like she’d cut the cord that was tethering her to this bed. Now, she was floating above in zero gravity space, ready to either be brought back down to earth or struck by flying moon rocks.

What came next was _definitely_ a surprise.

Misty’s own tiny frame now wracked with sobs as Cordelia sat frozen in place, unaware of what to do when she sobbed, “Why do you keep letting me do this?”

Cordelia was at a loss for words. She wished Misty would stop blaming herself, wished she could take away every ounce of pain she’d been feeling. After a beat, she asked, “Let you do what?”

“ _Hurt you._ I’m hurting you, and it’s the one thing I promised myself I would try not to. And I’m in love with you but it doesn’t even matter because I’ve _ruined_ you. You shoulda just left me where I was.”

This confession started a rush that burned at Cordelia’s fingertips and soon spread rapidly, racing to fill every pore of her body with twinge of disbelief. Pulling her legs to her chest, she impulsively pinched herself to check this wasn’t a dream. “Did you just say what I think you said?”

“You don’t understand Cordelia, I can’t love you. I can’t. But you-“ she paused to toss her head towards the ceiling in agony, “ _you_ created this sickening desire in me that needs you more than I _want_ you. I can fuck you, and I can hold your hand, and I can eat dinners with you, but I’m not supposed to love you. Because if I let this become what it's inevitably going to, I will not be able to survive when I’m taken from you again. I won't. I feel like I’m living on borrowed time.”

The color drained from Cordelia’s face as she ignored everything but the confession of love. “This whole time?”

“This whole time what?” Misty avoided all eye contact, instead choosing to focus intensely on the frayed ends of her blanket.

“You’ve been in love with me too?”

Misty glanced up, a thousand sentiments flashing across her face before she chose one.

Acceptance.

“Yes,” came the pained response that made Cordelia drop her face to her palms once again

Insane laughter caught Misty off guard. Cordelia clutched her chest and rolled to the side, peals of laughter mixed with sobs coming from deep in her chest. Misty was perched on the end of the bed, watching the scene unfold in front of her with wide eyes. “Cordelia?”

Cordelia held a finger up to stop the line of questioning, taking in staggering breaths of air. “I’m fine- I just,” one more deep breath, " _Cannot_ believe we’ve been doing this to each other.”

If you were to ask Cordelia the definition of a mental break, she thought it would look a lot like herself right now. Because this entire time - the duration of Misty’s return and healing process, could have been been so much easier if they’d just had a healthy, adult conversation. Instead, Cordelia had tucked her tail between her legs and did the complete opposite of what was necessary.

Perusing on, “If we had told each other this so much sooner we could have healed together. Instead we tiptoe around the elephant in the room and suffer these tribulations on our own.”

Cordelia reached out and pulled Misty into an awkward embrace, where she rocked them back and forth for a second before Misty relaxed and let herself be held. Tentatively, she reached out to tug at a curl of Cordelia’s hair. “What does this mean for us now?”

It’s terrible of her to think, but Misty’s never seen Cordelia look so beautiful. She’s beautiful in simplistic ways, like the way her eyes are the perfect shade of brown, or the way her smiles light up entire universes in Misty’s heart, and even just the way her hair frames her décolletage just right. But she’s also beautiful like this - bare faced and raw in the way that she’d just cracked her chest open to let Misty get a good look at her most intimate secrets. The tears staining her cheeks shone under bright moonlight creeping in, and Misty did everything in her power to stop herself from kissing them away. Instead, she ran a thumb across a cheek and then kissed it, an act that spoke a thousand words without so much as a whisper.

“It means we don’t have to suffer anymore. I’ve been going about this the wrong way. This whole time I thought I could fix you with my love, but you need more. I’ve just been selfish, keeping you here without even considering maybe I’m not enough. But I was a starting point.” Cordelia was blinking back more characteristic tears, unabashed and looking like a complete crystal vision to Misty.

“Delia,” she tapped her pointer finger rhythmically over Cordelia’s forearm, “it’s not your mountain to climb. I know you like fixin’ shit and helpin’ people through their problems, but this isn’t something cut n’ dry that I’ll get over in a day. It’ll take a lot more than you holding my hand through it.”

Cordelia shook her head at this, running through a list of possible explanations she could give Misty to soothe her growing list of fears. Instead, she settled for a simple, “Could we just try? In the morning?”

Misty’s body tensed and then went boneless when Cordelia’s fingers brushed across her collarbone. With the ease of a summertime breeze blowing across rolling plains, she agreed, “In the morning.”

They fell asleep like that, clutching each other as if letting go would cause another apocalyptic disaster.

***

When Misty blinked her eyes open, she was met with an image that made her second guess if she was actually awake. Tracing her eyes up the smooth edges of Cordelia’s shoulders to the criminally beautiful curve of her face, Misty nearly felt like crying for the umpteenth time in however many days she’d been home.

Cordelia was a vision, like always. But in this morning light, she looked beautiful; so at ease like the stress that sat visibly on her shoulders during the day had weakened overnight and left her glowing. Unable to stop herself, Misty began tracing the side of Cordelia’s bare waist with light brushes, up and down until her fingers were seized mid-air atop her thigh. Bringing the hand up, Cordelia kissed each finger while blinking the sleep from her eyes.

“Hi,” Misty whispered, embarrassed she was caught in such a violently soft act.

“Hi,” Cordelia repeated back, music to Misty’s ears.

“I was thinking that today you could talk to Myrtle. I realize it’s not my problem to take on, as much as I would love to. She’s seen this firsthand dozens of times.”

Still in her masochistic ways, Cordelia would love to be the one who shielded Misty from any and all things that could ever scare her. But she couldn’t - this wasn’t a task she could handle on her own. It’s tragic, she knew now, that she had spent all this time fighting her own inner demons alongside trying to fight Misty’s. This required outside help, and as much as she wanted to be the sole caretaker of Misty’s heart, it required just a little extra than what she could give it.

Misty nodded slowly, taking in Cordelia’s early morning voice as though listening to her favorite record or a thousand symphonies. “I think,” her voice gruff and low, “that would help me a lot. She always knows what to do.”

“Yeah, sometimes annoyingly so,” Cordelia paused to recall their conversation from yesterday. “But she will help you understand that you don’t have to be afraid anymore.”

“Okay,” Misty mused, a spark Cordelia hadn’t seen for a long time flashing behind her eyes, “You know what else I think?”

Cordelia caught on to the tone laced with arousal immediately. Catching Misty’s ringed fingers once more, she feigned innocence, “What’s that?”

“We never finished what we started last night,” in a quick move, she pushed Cordelia on her back, straddling her waist once more, “and I really need us to.”

Cordelia lay there a moment, intoxicated with the way Misty switched gears so quickly. Staring up at her in wonder, she nodded pointedly. “I think I really need us to as well.” Surprising the both of them with her strength, Cordelia flipped Misty over in a swift movement. Now Misty was the one to stare up in awe, her eyes flickering across Cordelia’s face like she was mapping every line and curve to commit to memory.

That was when Cordelia kissed her with enough passion to light a hundred thousand fires to keep the sun burning from now until the end of time. Too worried about parting Misty’s lips with her tongue, everything outside of this bed faded away into blissful nothingness. The cataclysmic burn that came after made Misty moan throatily into the kiss, shifting a thigh up for Cordelia to grind down on. Pulling back slightly, Cordelia dropped her head at the pulse of arousal that skyrocketed through her. Deciding that this moment wasn’t about her, she pressed one more kiss on Misty’s lips and proceeded downwards.

Brushing her lips over soft skin, Cordelia paused in the places that made Misty’s breath get caught in her throat. Saving these spots in the back of her brain, she bit down lightly in an act of worship, quick to soothe them with her tongue. Above her, Misty was making these noises that Cordelia would blind herself a thousand times over just to hear again.

When she reached the apex of her thighs, Cordelia slipped two fingers easily inside without warning. Twisting them back and forth for a few moments, she took note of Misty’s quivering thighs, kissing them to feel the trembles on her lips.

Throwing her head back, Misty arched off the bed to accommodate the welcomed intrusion. Sliding her fingers out, Cordelia was pleased to see how wet they actually were. The supreme brought them up to her own lips before musing for a moment, intensely debating something. Deciding, she pushed them into Misty’s own mouth, where her tongue instinctively darted out to taste herself. Cordelia groaned when Misty grasped her wrist to hold it in place while she licked up every last drop.

“Hm,” her fingers released their grip, “I taste good.”

Breathless and full of desire, Cordelia whispered, “Misty, do you have any idea what you do to me?”

A smirk. “I can guess.”

After dropping another kiss on her lips, Cordelia made her way back down Misty’s body with enthusiasm this time. Quickly spreading both thighs apart, Cordelia landed her face right in between them, her tongue honing in to the place Misty needed it most. Sucking Misty’s clit into her mouth, she began humming in the back of her throat. These vibrations started a new slowburn of pleasure for the swamp witch that was the perfect mix of fire and ice, giving way to a new series of low moans. She scrambled to tangle her hands in Cordelia’s _perfect-as-always_ hair to hold her there. Smiling into it, Cordelia pushed two fingers into Misty again, savoring the way her shudder shook the both of them.

“ _Cor-_ Cordelia,” Misty choked out her name, dripping with lust much like the both of them, “You feel _so_ good.” The wet noises from Cordelia’s rhythmic thrusting were causing her grief in the most pleasurable ways.

Wanting to hear Misty’s angelic gasps when she comes like the way she needed air, Cordelia sucked her clit in between her lips once more, rubbing it softly until she gained traction on the slippery surface. Before she got too sidetracked by the noises, Cordelia rammed her fingers in and out until she hit that perfect spot _and-_

Misty came all over her lips and hand with a low, animalistic whine that clawed its way from the back of her throat.

Splaying one palm across her stomach to hold her down, Cordelia kept up the movements until Misty had to physically retract herself from the embrace.

“Baby, please.”

At the term of endearment, Cordelia lifted her head and licked her lips seductively. Grinning, she allowed herself to be pulled up flush against Misty’s chest. After Misty tasted herself again off lips for the second time, Cordelia dropped her head in the dip of her shoulder and neck.

Cordelia could live like this forever, inhaling the sweet smell of Misty that is so intrinsically personal and rewarding in all the finest ways. With Misty’s fingers dancing along her bare back, she sighed out and relaxed for what seemed like the first time in forty years.

Getting impatient, Misty started teasing; cupping the firm swell of Cordelia’s ass and dipping her fingers _just enough_ to swirl the wetness around before pulling back. When Cordelia hummed indulgently, Misty quickly and harshly slapped her ass with an open palm. “ _Fuck_ -“ Cordelia gasped and arched her lower half into the touch.

Misty did it again and then once more for good measure before she whispered, “Sit up.” Encouraging her into a sitting position, Misty spread her own thighs and swung one of Cordelia’s legs over her hip so that their centers were flush against each other. Everything happened so quickly that Misty failed to notice Cordelia’s mouth had dropped open, the sheer pleasure giving pause to any movements.

Underneath her, Misty lifted her hips and bumped their clits together, just enough to get Cordelia moving.

“Can you _please,_ I _need_ you to-“

Cordelia was already one step ahead of her, pressing down forcefully until her wetness coated Misty’s. The latter threw her head back and scrambled to grip Cordelia’s thigh to aid the rough movements. Chest heaving, she lifted her lower half over and over again to provide a little support for Cordelia. The slick, loud sounds coming from where they were joined made Cordelia tug her bottom lip between teeth and focus on creating more of the pornographic noises. Her nipples stood at attention in the cool morning air, hitting the perfect angle to graze against the smooth skin of Misty’s leg that was being held in the air.

“ _M_ -Misty,” she mumbled her name like a plea. Misty grinned at the way Cordelia was reduced to a blubbering mess so quickly, picking up the pace to see what other sounds she could draw out.

Despite the awkward position, they soon sound found a rhythm that kept both parties _incredibly_ satisfied. Their clits collided together; wetness on wetness, arousing in ways Misty wasn’t even sure should be legal. Her entire body was buzzing with hymns she didn’t know existed, and then when Cordelia cupped her breast to flick a thumb over her nipple, it started singing praises to gods that definitely didn’t even exist.

Between the stimulation between her legs and Cordelia’s talented fingers, Misty was pushed over the edge without so much as a warning. Her orgasm rose and crashed like a tsunami wracking her body relentlessly, leaving her shuddering in wave after wave of pleasure. The end came with a sweet, broken whisper of Cordelia’s name, and when the woman above heard that she followed very close behind. Cordelia’s own completion was similar to Misty’s, mirroring the soft sighs and sweet gasps for air.

Nearly giddy with excitement at watching Cordelia’s afterglow, Misty ran her palm across her thigh to hold her down through the rise and fall. Thankful for the touch tethering her to this earth, Cordelia let herself enjoy the fleeting orgasm that left too soon after it came. Afterwards, she dropped down into Misty’s waiting embrace for the second time, sighing dreamily. “I love you. I love you tirelessly and endlessly.”

“And I, you. Forever,” came the agreement.

They lie spread out like that, chests rising and falling in synchronization. Like trees, they would continue to grow separately, reaching towards each other until they met in the middle, destined to be intertwined for the rest of time.

Propping her head up on Misty’s chest, Cordelia began speaking in a low tone, “I’m sorry that all we seemed to do was hurt each other. On my behalf I thought it was helping you. I realize now that you need and deserve more than what I can give you. It’s not fair to either of us.”

“I’m sorry too,” Misty replied, “that I thought I could deny the way my soul needs you like I need fresh air and my plants. All I need is you, in every capacity. But I do understand there are some hurdles you can’t take on.” She tucked a strand of Cordelia’s hair behind her ears and smiled at the way her full face was now available to gaze upon. “And I think it’ll both do us good now that everything's out in the open. _Unless_ there’s some skeletons in your closet you wanna tell me about. Someone could get lost in that big ass closet a’yours.”

Laughing, she ducked away from Cordelia’s swat until she couldn’t fight it anymore and let herself be pulled into a kiss. Clasping her chin, Misty channeled all her energy into it, hoping Cordelia would feel it and return the favor. Which she did, she always would.

And for right now, it was enough.

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> oh hi it's me again! hope this didn't make y'all cry too much because it hurt to write so..........bye. anyway i have a new twitter pls follow me i love validation!!!! @ moonmotels1 on twitter and moonmotels on tumblr. come chat me up about anything, but particularly that video of lily at the gym. i have a lot to say. hope you enjoyed!!!!  
> special thanks to my girl phoebe iloveyousomuchicoulddie


End file.
